I feel as though I haven’t been entirely honest about my recovery and it bothers me, which is a bit odd because all of us choose what information, we share about ourselves, particularly when it comes to something personal and scary like a health crisis.
The moment I decided to write a blog about my first brain surgery, I opened the door and invited friends, family and even strangers into my home, life and mind. That’s the thing about blogging, when your topic is your own health and some crises you’re facing, the writing is naturally going to be personal or it won’t be worth reading for anyone; I certainly found it was the only way I could write, exposing the truth be that good or bad.
This time around, I haven’t had the courage or perhaps that’s being a bit hard on myself – I honestly don’t know if my inability (or unwillingness) to write and share what I’ve been living is because I’m afraid to sound weak in front of people who have come to expect bravery of me or if the lack of words stems indeed from changes in my brain resulting from this last surgery.
Happy New Year to you and those you love. May 2017 be filled with good health and contentment for us all.
It’s natural at the end of the year or early in a new one, I think to reflect a little on how life has been treating us, and vice-versa. Its no secret that 2016 held a few difficult times for me as I grappled with needing another craniotomy and then the actual recovery; but as I have looked back at this past year, I’ve found myself feeling quite happy. Yes, there were some very real hurdles to overcome but largely it was a good year.
I mentioned this to Jason yesterday and he said he felt the same way, that in amongst it all, we have seen and done lots of fun and new things and his overall impression of 2016 was also a good one.
I think sometimes it’s too easy to write off a year due to one or two ‘bad’ events or situations. In 2016 we enjoyed two interstate road trips, saw many interesting and beautiful places, continued to develop our new found friendships with the people sharing our Denver journey, had a week’s holiday in Mexico, established ourselves as ‘locals’ at the nearby brewery, connected closely with our friends and family around my surgery, have been to see lots of new movies at the cinema as they are so inexpensive here, learnt new skills, survived our first blizzard (I stayed indoors and refused to stick even a nose out the door), became Great-Aunt and Uncle as we welcomed two baby girls into the family and settled into our new life in Denver.
All in all, not bad when you consider I had brain surgery mid-year!
Here’s to a wonderful 2017 for us all.
From early May…
Telling my friends about my surgery has at times been excruciating. Every day I think of another dear friend I wish to tell and in that moment of thinking of each person, feel as though the wind is knocked out of me. It’s as if in that moment, everything sweet and precious about our relationship, every good moment, laughter shared and fun times is pulled together in a ball for me to see. Having all the things I love and value in each of my friends pulled into sharp focus like this feels especially cruel because it shows me everything I have to lose.
The distress I feel at having to tell my loved ones about my surgery and the risks is all-consuming. I hate that I am upsetting them, yet at the same time, I simply cannot do this without them. I need all that love and friendship, I need the memories of happier times and Jason and I need someone to lean on when the burden becomes too heavy for us to bear alone.