Emotional Turbulence

With only two more sleeps to go, nervousness has reared its unpleasant head. Despite using the tools I have such as meditation, to keep it from becoming full-blown anxiety, I still have stomach butterflies appearing at frequent intervals (coupled with just a smidgen of nausea) and an almost overwhelming desire to RUN.

As much as I try to think about others in more difficult circumstances, in an attempt to tamp down these feelings with a wider perspective, I’m unable to shake a certain growing dread of what’s about to come.

Logical thoughts like ‘It’s for my benefit’ or ‘I need to do this’ are ringing empty today. I feel as though I’m about to walk through a door where I know I will experience pain and unpleasantness, but then step into the unknown. The only thing that I think I know about this mystery stage is that I will temporarily lose my independence (again) and will have to live each day in accordance with my body’s new limits and spend most of my time managing pain.

This is a difficult thing to walk into willingly but walk I must and deal with whatever comes, hopefully with some grace.  It helps to know that the people I care about and who love me are holding my hand and sending me uplifting thoughts.

8 thoughts on “Emotional Turbulence

  1. Right now I wish we shared a time zone, so I could speak to you immediately and not wake you from what I hope is a restful slumber. But regardless of the time and place, you are in my thoughts and in my heart. And while you count down the days until the operation, I am counting down the days until we speak again.
    Big hugs and hand squeezes to you both.

  2. Veraina – you have always managed your health and life with dignity, grace and fun. I can’t imagine the deep fear you have as you wait for the next chapter to begin. Your courage is exemplary and I’m glad you know you are loved by so many of us. We are all holding your hand. Lots of love xx

  3. Best wishes for your surgery. I hope it doesn’t result in months of headaches for you. Surely, this is the last!

    Lots of love

    Rohan

  4. Firstly I hope that your surgery goes well. While I also suffer with anxiety I have (thankfully) never had an operation. So I can’t completely understand your anxiety from this point of view. All I suggest is that meditation could be useful in helping to combat your anxious thoughts. It should clear your mind and provide many benefits in the long term.

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