With only two more sleeps to go, nervousness has reared its unpleasant head. Despite using the tools I have such as meditation, to keep it from becoming full-blown anxiety, I still have stomach butterflies appearing at frequent intervals (coupled with just a smidgen of nausea) and an almost overwhelming desire to RUN.
As much as I try to think about others in more difficult circumstances, in an attempt to tamp down these feelings with a wider perspective, I’m unable to shake a certain growing dread of what’s about to come.
Logical thoughts like ‘It’s for my benefit’ or ‘I need to do this’ are ringing empty today. I feel as though I’m about to walk through a door where I know I will experience pain and unpleasantness, but then step into the unknown. The only thing that I think I know about this mystery stage is that I will temporarily lose my independence (again) and will have to live each day in accordance with my body’s new limits and spend most of my time managing pain.
This is a difficult thing to walk into willingly but walk I must and deal with whatever comes, hopefully with some grace. It helps to know that the people I care about and who love me are holding my hand and sending me uplifting thoughts.