This will be my last post for a little while now that my surgery is so near. I am first on the list in the morning and am scheduled for 8am. Currently, I am rugged up in my bed at the hospital, having sent Jason and my mum away so they could get some dinner and I could have some quiet time to myself. I have felt very calm today which I appreciate. The only time I began to feel nervous was when I was taken into the Intensive Care Unit to meet the nurses and have a look around so we knew where I would be and what to expect tomorrow. I will spend one or two nights there after the op. The nurses all came over to say hello and reassure me they would take good care of me.
Writing this blog has helped me work through the shock of my diagnosis and find a way to arrive here in a good state, physically and emotionally. I would like to thank everyone for supporting me through, what is, really just the beginning of the road in this journey and for listening to or reading about my fears. You have probably figured out that I spend a lot of time in my own head. I think this is, in part, due to having been trapped in a body that has on a number of occasions ceased functioning properly. I learnt after years of anguish and rehabilitation that addressing concerns head on and working through challenging mental states is essential in order for me to recover and move on.
Every step I have taken in this life has been leading me to this moment. I take some comfort in that. I take refuge now in the skill of my surgeon and all the medical staff responsible for my care. I take refuge in knowing my legal affairs are in order and my wishes known and respected. I take refuge in the love and support of my friends and family and in having the best partner and husband I could ever wish for.
Should you think of me in the coming days, please try to see me healthy and happy. Then if you can, think the same for Jason and my mum.
May you know your heart’s desire and have the courage to pursue it.
With gratitude and love,