From early May…

Telling my friends about my surgery has at times been excruciating.  Every day I think of another dear friend I wish to tell and in that moment of thinking of each person, feel as though the wind is knocked out of me.  It’s as if in that moment, everything sweet and precious about our relationship, every good moment, laughter shared and fun times is pulled together in a ball for me to see.   Having all the things I love and value in each of my friends pulled into sharp focus like this feels especially cruel because it shows me everything I have to lose.

The distress I feel at having to tell my loved ones about my surgery and the risks is all-consuming.  I hate that I am upsetting them, yet at the same time, I simply cannot do this without them.  I need all that love and friendship, I need the memories of happier times and Jason and I need someone to lean on when the burden becomes too heavy for us to bear alone.